RECONCILIATION

Restoring Broken Relationships



Oh, the pain of a relationship ripped apart, hurting hears, needless loss. Rocky relationships can relegate us to a ditch riddled with disagreements and disputes. Whether between spouses, parents/children, friends or maybe a neighbor...it could be anyone. Reconciliation leads to the Road of Transformation, where peace and harmony are restored.

Reconciliation: is the act of settling or restoring differences. While a relationship will not always be salvaged, the spirit of reconciliation will always reflect the heart of God. That's why Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
When should we initiate Reconciliation?
Most people don't know the when. But the Bible states two specific times, much like the two sides of a coin."

-When you have wronged another

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

- When you have been wronged

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses." Matthew 18:15-16

What paves the Road for Reconciliation

When you've been hurt, you first need to bury the hatchet in your dispute filled ditch before you can climb out. Early in America's history the tomahawk, or war hatchet, was used as a war club and hunting weapon. But when peace was forged with an enemy, a ceremonial tomahawk was buried in the ground. From this old Indian custom comes the expression "burying the hatchet" a phrase that speaks of a sincere commitment to forgive and be reconciled. Unfortunately, many people who bury the hatchet still leave the handle exposed!

1Peter 3:9 says, "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Wondering how you bury the hatchet?

Prepare your heart for seeking reconciliation. Be willing to...

-view the conflict as an opportunity for growth

-learn what God wants you to learn

-discover that you are partly at fault

-expose your weaknesses

-be open with your feelings

-risk the relationship

-pray for God's will to be done

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15

Know that refusal to seek reconciliation affects the intimacy of your relationship with God. Humble your heart and pray,

-Lord, I don't want to be prideful and unbending

-Lord, I want your favor on my life not your disfavor

-Lord, I want to reflect Your character and be open to reconciliation


Seek forgiveness and apologize for words that have hurt the other person.

-I have tried to see our relationship from your point of view

-I realize I've been wrong in my attitude of ___

-I am sorry.

-Will you forgive me?


If you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this...to free yourself, since you have fallen into you neighbor's hands; Go and humble yourself; press your plea with our neighbor! Proverbs 6:2-3


Recognize the ground rules of communication

-Offer unconditional acceptance

-Use words that build self worth

-Aim for mutual understanding

-Give more than you take

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" Ephesians 4:2

Be Kind and Gentle, trusting God to work in the heart of the other person.

-don't harbor resentment

-don't make excuses for yourself

-don't get drawn into arguments

-don't fail to pray

-don't have expectations of immediate acceptance

The Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:24-25

Reflect the character of Christ in all you do. In order to prepare your heart to reflect the character of Christ, pray,

-Lord, I die to my personal rights

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

-Lord, I die to defending myself

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped" Psalms 28:7

-Lord, I die to relying on my own abilities

"He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe" Prov. 28:26

When you have been wounded in a relationship, the gauge of godly growth is having a heart of reconciliation not merely going through conflict, but truly growing through conflict.

May the spirit of reconciliation be upon your marital relationships this Valentine's Day.